Is It Easy for White Guys in Asia?
There’s a common refrain that if you’re tall and white with blonde hair and blue eyes then Asian girls are easy. First off, I’ve met plenty of guys like that who had plenty of trouble getting action in Asia. But let’s assume for now that those guys really don’t have any trouble.
Well, then, what about the rest of us?
What if you’re
- black/Hispanic/Arab/African/Asian(A lot more on Asians later!)/etc?
Oh, heaven forbid you’ve been cursed by two (or more) of these traits! Then what? A lot of people would lead you to believe that you’re doomed. But that’s total hogwash, and in this post, I’ll explain how.
As a short(163cm) black guy, I’m even short for Asia so according to most people out there, I have two strikes against me. I’ve also had clients as old as 62, along with many overweight, bald guys. After living in Asia for 14 years, and being a dating and relationship coach for 7, I know what I’m talking about. In fact, some of my most successful clients are Indian guys!
So, why is there this mis-perception that Asian girls are fiending for a white guy?
No doubt, you can hit any Asian city and know that there are a certain pool of girls that are without a doubt, total white lovers. Some of these girls have never even been with an Asian guy from their own country! They’re all white all the time. They congregate at the same few bars and clubs every week, and if you come back 2 years later, you’ll see the same girls–just older and looking for the next white guy.
In the major cities, you can also go and find your black lovers too. Just like the white lovers, these girls only date black guys, and they congregate in the same bars and clubs every weekend. The main difference, is that there are a lot more white lovers than black lovers, but that’s fine because there are way less black guys than white guys in Asia anyway.
If you don’t fit into the stereotypical white guy (tall, young, blonde, blue eyes) and you don’t fit the hip-hop stereotype, then you won’t do very well with either of these categories, because they’re not interested in you… they’re interested in a stereotype that you don’t live up to.
It’s All About the Money! Money! Money!
When discussing the role that race and looks play in dating, it’s important to divide East Asia from SE Asia…though more importantly the divide is about the size of the middle class in each country and the general income disparities. The larger the middle class is, the more women are selecting based on personality.
Before going on you should know that for the purposes of this discussion, East Asia includes, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, China and Singapore while SE Asia includes Thailand, Malaysia, the Philippines, Cambodia, Indonesia, and Vietnam.
Any middle class person in East Asia has enough money to go on vacation every year. They have enough money to travel overseas. They can go out for dinner on a regular basis, and they can buy a car, a PlayStation, a smartphone, and whatever else people you see in movies and on TV have. They live just like the middle class in any western country.
They may not be able to buy the luxury versions of the items they want, but they can buy the mass consumer version for sure. This is important because their fundamental perspective on life is one of security. In fact, it’s so much on security that they’re not willing to gamble their cushy life to get rich…in fact many of them think they don’t want to get rich. They’re plenty happy to just stay where they are in their soul crushing 9-6(8?) job.
Middle class people have a long term outlook and are risk averse and that shows in their dating patterns. They date guys that are at a similar same socio-economic level. Yeah, sure occasionally they might get lucky and land a rich doctor, or future top level executive at Samsung/Toyota/HTC/Haier/etc, but most of them will more likely end up with the guy two desks over.
They’re choosing from a pool of very similar candidates and so they need a lot more information to really know who to pick. They’re going to be selecting according to less obvious criteria like your hobbies, interests, personalities, future plans, eating habits, favorite tv shows, and all those other things that people like to put about themselves to show their uniqueness on Facebook. That means it takes time for them more time to evaluate any individual dating option and as long as you don’t eliminate yourself you have a chance of showing your best side and winning her over.
Contrast that with girls from SE Asia. Sure there are the local rich girls, but for the most part they date local rich guys. They have to keep the money in the family, and there are very few of them. They’re used to dating in the rich world so they have high expectations of what you’ll spend on them. They’re educated at the best schools, they’ve lived or at least traveled extensively to other countries.
Sure, from a financial perspective they may be upper middle class, but in their own country they’re the ruling class. That half of SE Asia is hard to date because they’re from a higher class than you almost invariably and are used to being treated like royalty.
This is not what most of the guys in SE Asia are getting…if you go to SE Asia you’re almost invariably dating girls from the country side who probably grew up on the family farm with a several chickens, a buffalo or two, and no hot water or internet. They’re suspicious of what they don’t know and are reluctant to try new things or go on adventures to far away lands because they grew up in a very narrow world.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with these girls as people, but you can imagine that their selection criteria is a lot less sophisticated—meaning that the criteria they use to select guys are going to be fewer, more practical, and simple.
They’re essentially the Asia equivalent of Jersey Shore and while there’s nothing wrong with that, realize that it’s probably not what you want. There is a cottage industry of books written by once burned western men warning others away from riding in on their white horses to save these apparent damsel’s in distress only to end up penniless, heartbroken and in tears after getting hooked up with a SE Asian women who put family first and used him just as wallet or a show piece.
Now, I’m not saying it can’t work because there are plenty of happy guys too, but I want to point out that those happy guys seem to do better living in her world than the other way around, so keep that in mind and understand that she’s not going to magically transform into Cinderella. You can buy her the clothes, but it will be pretty clear she doesn’t belong at the ball.
White Is Right…Or Is It?
Traditionally all over the world, white skin was beautiful in much the same way that plump was hot—in primarily agricultural societies only the aristocrats who didn’t work the fields could stay white, and get enough food to be plump. As such, both of those were signs of wealth.
(And in fact, a 2006 study found that hungry men prefer larger women and this was a study conducted on a University campus in England!)
When work shifted from the field to the factory though, the lowest of the low had the whitest of white skin as they toiled away from before sunrise to after sunset in their dark cavern like work conditions. The rich, with the advent of improved transportation by steamboat and rail, could now spend their free time playing tennis at the country club and lounging on beaches and the suntan became a sign of vigor and healthy outdoor activity.
Similarly East Asia has gone through a lot of that transition already with beach holidays to Phuket, Saipan, Guam, and Hawaii a part of living the good life and evidence of hard work and diligent middle class thrift and planning. There are tanning salons in all major cities in East Asia and these are not for the tourists…these cater to locals who have been just as influenced by Brittney Spears as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce.
Things are quite a bit different though when you get to SE Asia.
A Thai friend told me that dating, or sleeping with a dark skinned girl in Thailand is like dating a fat girl in America. Yes! It’s better to be fat and white than dark with a Korean pop star body. As a westerner, especially if you’re new to Asia, you couldn’t care less about the skin color so by local standards, westerners are scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen…you’re not a stud for landing your LBFM(little brown fuck machine for those of you who are uninitiated). Now, that’s not to say that you can’t or shouldn’t be happy with what you get, but you should understand that you’re exploiting a loop hole in the system in the same way that a chubby chaser in any western city would easily feel like he’s making a killing.
If you’re the stereotypical white guy, yes, many of these girls will throw themselves at you hoping to get pregnant because her half-baby, will almost invariably be quite cute by local standards just because of the skin tone and that translates into more life opportunities. Like everywhere, attractive people get the halo effect bonus where positive traits like greater intelligence are assumed about them simply because they are attractive. This is sperm wars at it’s best, where a woman can win the genetic lottery by riding on the success of her white skinned children.
Here are the kind of girls you probably won’t be getting any time soon in SE Asia…even if you are tall, white, with blonde hair and blue eyes:
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