One-itis [one-i-tus] noun.
- the fixation by a guy (usually) on one girl who he imbues with positive qualities (that she may not possess), or whose positive qualities are imbued with such value, that all negative qualities are overlooked and/or rationalized away to the point that she seems to be totally irreplaceable as a potential partner for sex, dating, a relationship, marriage, or all of the above.
- a woman who a guy has one-itis for
- (adjective) the state of having one-itis
One-itis is one of the most destructive forces known to man. Think Samson and Delilah. Think Bathsheba and King David. Think Cleopatra and Marc Antony. No matter how you look at it, the heedless chase for a particular woman has dealt a deadly blow to many men.
Most men, when in the throes of one-itis, spend more time thinking about whether they can continue to get the scraps thrown to them instead of whether their needs and desires are being met.
In fact, they are willing to sacrifice their needs and desires, if they think that living true to them could mean the loss of the girl. In short, they cannot walk away from a lose/win situation, where they themselves are losing by doing all they can to meet their woman’s wants needs and desires, while getting very little in return.
One of the biggest challenges I find is coaching my clients and in guys that I talk to over the phone or ask questions on my site is that the guys are like little remote controlled robots, or worse, voluntary slaves, trying to please the mistress. Yes, by all means pay attention to what she wants, and try to give it to her, but it shouldn’t be a one way street.
When I tell my clients to “get blown or blown out”, it means that they should set standards for what they expect from the women in their lives and to hold fast to them. The philosophy of getting blown or blown out, as crude as it may sound, prevents men from falling into the trap of hoping without risking. Instead of just settling for whatever a girl will give them, the he charges forward in an attempt to have his needs/wants/desires met—whether that means an ongoing relationship, or just sex.
Most men would rather hope that things will change with the target of their affection. They think that with patience, the girl will suddenly want to give them everything. By all means, be patient, but don’t be passive!
You must take progressive action to find out if the woman you’re with is willing to try and meet your hopes, aspirations, dreams and WILD FANTASIES.
Most guys just sit back ,thinking their playing it cool, when really they’re playing it weak. They don’t want to have their bubble burst and find out the truth—that the woman their with is either unable, or unwilling to give them what they want—so they opt to keep things pleasant.
This can be fatal. It’s better to bring the relationship to a moment of crises where a woman has to make the final call whether she wants to be part of the crew, or jump ship. In my world there are 3 kinds of women:
- family, friends and colleagues(ie I have no sexual interest or intent),
- women who are fun, that I love to spend time with and can learn a lot from who are not sexually attracted to me,
- women who are fun, that I love to spend time with and can learn a lot from me who like nothing more than jump my bones every chance they get.
There are so many of the 3rd, why bother with the 2nd? Get blown or blown OUT!
God,this article really stings,because I’ve been there.
However,I disagree about why bothering with the 2nd category.Mayn PUAs have the philosophy of not hanging out with women they’re not banging. I love having female friends.
I understand what you mean and I have nothing against female friends if they are genuinely girls that you’re not interested in. Most guys are friends with girls that they really want to be "more than friends" with.
However, you have to consider time-management. And given that there’s only so much time in a day and only so many people you can see…
This rambling does present a very viable outlook on mentality. However, considering the "Asia-based Asian Girl Gaming Guru" does not even use proper English, nor even has the balls to provide any authenticity to an actual person (i.e. crediting his/her work with a name following the article), I must say that all-and-all this is a very good example of advertising and marketing. Make note of the portion where ‘wild fantasies’ is typed in all capital letters; it’s mere psychology we all learned in high school. Well, except for the author of course who can’t use the English language correctly. This is nothing more than an advertisement meant to lure in potential "sales" based on appealing to human nature. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but in all honesty, would YOU seriously fork over $ to someone who ignores a spell-check before posting an article to the Internet…? I bet the capitalized ‘you’ caught your attention didn’t it? See what I’m getting at; same tactics used here by boy/girl-genius who wrote this "Blog." The thought-process is indeed genuine, I don’t discredit the reality of his/her words; the intent spawning from this malformed essay is what bothers me and I hope others will see that as well.
"Well, except for the author of course who can’t use the English language correctly."
– This is a good example of incorrect grammar.
I really enjoyed this mail. It made me think about the girls I have been with and the ones I wanted to be with but failed to do so, (because I was too lame to go after what I wanted in case it got awkward between us).
Most blokes get "one-itis" at different stages in their lives, I have had many reactions to it, which have had symptoms such as whining to friends and chronic masturbation… alone. It it good to be aware of it, so if you have it at least you know what it is and can then maybe do something positive about it.
Keep the informative, helpful info coming… but best use spell check to stop the whining.
Thank you for your considerate replies. And yes, this is pure marketing.
I don’t write this blog for my health or because I’d rather be doing this than getting blown out. For those who may never spend I dime with me I hope you get tremendous value anyway.
For the rest of you I hope you buy ALL of my stuff.
Keep the comments coming, thanks.
Good article. It restates my own similar philosophy in a different and interesting way.
As for the list of the 3 kinds of women in your world. Did you make a mistake in #2? For me it’s:
1 Women I don’t and wouldn’t want to shag.
2 Women I enjoy spending time with and don’t shag.
3 Women I enjoy spending time with and shag.
So did you mean "NOT sexually attracted to me" in #2?
My way of putting things into perspective… When I get the old "can we just be friends" line, I say, "Sure! But when I’m deciding with whom to spend my limited free time and I have a choice between 1) a nice conversation with you, 2) a nice conversation with a girl who wants me, 3) a great conversation with my guy friends, or 4) spending time on me…guess where you’ll be on the list?
[…] Have Dangerous Conversations. Get Blown or get Blown Out is a critical article in terms of mindset. Often guys get trapped in a situation where a woman is […]