Previously, I wrote about how at any given time there is usually one thing that is the primary bottleneck to your success with women. I also mentioned that there are 7 major areas that bottlenecks tend to fall into:
- mental attitude and discipline
- initial approach and meeting women
- creating sexual tension and sex
I already covered, mental attitude, the approaching women, and planning good dates, including mentioning one of my most awful and impoverishing date experiences ever. So this time, let’s move on to talk about a few more bottlenecks you may need to bust through on your way to building your own happy harem. And maybe I’ll even share a few more embarrassing stories.
For most of my life, it’s been smooth sailing once things got sexual, but other guys I’ve worked with are plagued with performance anxiety when they are with a girl. They lack the experience and sexual confidence needed to lead in bed – a necessity with Asian girls. They’re not sure where or how to touch, or even if they’re pleasing their woman.
There are a lot of sex myths out there that confuse guys. They don’t realize that all women can have multiple orgasms every time and that it’s fairly simple to do. Many guys also think that “good” girls can’t be “bad” girls, and that they can’t live out their sexual fantasies with a nice girl they could take home to mom.
Contrast that with a guy who took an Approach Mastery boot camp with me in Taiwan several years back. His father got him two prostitutes when he was 13 so he could “learn the ropes”. After that he knew how to get sexual, but had no idea how to develop a “normal” relationship with a girl. Go figure. Lols!
Another common problem among my clients is that they find maintaining relationships with girls they don’t like much easy-breezy but give them a real stunner and suddenly they lose it, like a big lottery winner. Similarly, many guys I know who are naturally good with women, have a new girl every weekend but the minute they get a super attractive girl all of their cool goes out the window. Their overbearing clinginess drives the girl away. Instead of the calm, cool, collected guy he normally is, he turns into some crazy stalker trying to monitor her every move. Additionally, most guys find maintaining a relationship with even one girl challenging, so keeping things going with 3 or 4 is impossible until they learn a lot more about relationship dynamics.
Living the Life…the Way She Wants You To
It becomes a lot easier to manage several relationships simultaneously if you have the right lifestyle setup. If you work 60 hours a week, and you commute another 2 each day to get to and from work, or if you travel a lot like I do, keeping women around is hard on your schedule. Some lifestyles are far more appealing than others for women. Money can easily buy a certain lifestyle, but a sparse bohemian lifestyle also has unique appeal to women. But if all you do is shuttle between work and home with a quick stop at the nearest convenience store to pick up dinner, before heading home to catch the game, you don’t have much to attract a woman into your life. If you want a high quality girl, you’re going to have to take her off someone else and that means you have to offer something better, or at least different.
Even if you have the most amazing lifestyle, you still have to project that somehow. Even though we constantly hear how bad it is to judge a book by it’s cover, that’s what women do. Like how Harvard screens out people automatically who don’t have a certain level of high school grades, top, in demand women, have so many options they’ll quickly screen you out if you don’t look right. The look she’s screening for varies from girl to girl but your look needs to match the image she’s shooting for…and always needs to follow basic fashion principles.
Start Knocking Down Walls
Any one of these 7 areas could be your current bottleneck and when you fix one, a different one often appears. As I mentioned in last week’s article, there was one point where I was getting girls on dates but those dates would never lead to sex. Determined to solve it, I worked obsessively on creating sexual tension. Once I sorted that out, I found most of my dates were leading to sex but most girls weren’t coming back for seconds, thirds, and beyond. The next order of business, in other words, was upping my relationship skills. A year or two later, I’d sorted that but then after major lifestyle upgrades, I decided to change my dates around which caused new issues that I had to fix.
Anytime you have some major change in your life, you’ll have to re-calibrate. As long as you’re changing and improving, your dating skills will change and improve, as well. Next time you’re facing issues, remember these core elements. Keeping them in mind can be incredibly valuable when it comes to identifying and fixing your next bottleneck.