by E

I used to be terrified of approaching women. I would see a woman I was really attracted to but the thought of going up to her and trying to start a conversation was nauseating. It made me so scared I literally felt sick.

Reasons to Stay Away from Women

There are a lot of reasons not to approach a woman. Before going to talk to one, a list of these usually runs through my head. They’re usually good reasons, too: I’m too full after eating, I’m too tired after being out late the night before, I really have to hit the washroom before I even think of approaching… the list goes on. The problem with these reasons is that I almost always have a reason not to talk to women. Having to navigate so many reasons is a huge barrier of ever getting anywhere with women. Deep down inside me, though, in a small dark place buried somewhere bellow my conscious awareness lays the real reason I don’t approach women who I’m interested in often enough: my belief that her distaste when I approach is a fundamental rejection of who I am.

Do Women Actually Reject You?

Of course, nothing is quite that straightforward. When a woman rejects me there is often more to it than a simple distaste for who I am, or who you are for that matter. In fact, there are probably just as many reasons for why a woman will reject you as there are women who will actually reject you.

Let’s start this off right. I’ve come to learn that when a woman rejects you she isn’t actually rejecting who you are. A woman can’t be rejecting who you are at your core – she doesn’t even know you! You could be a fantastic cook who knows 6 languages fluently, has his own successful investment company, a great sense of humour, is incredibly engaging, and calls his mother every Monday night at 8 o’clock. You could have the kind of success that women crave in a guy.  Unless she knows those things about you, though, she can’t really be rejecting you.

Why Women Brush You Off

What she is rejecting is your approach, your attempt to start an interaction with her. Knowing that makes rejection much easier to take. Ultimately, she could be rejecting your approach for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with who you are deep down inside. Even if she rejects you for some characteristic she doesn’t like about you, not having talked to you means she is only rejecting superficial things about you, those things that are often so easy to fix. If I understand what that thing is, there’s a strong chance that I can change that part of myself, if it really does need fixing. Does my style suck? No problem, I’ll get a fashion consultant. Poor posture? I’ll try acting classes. Am I too fat? Gym membership. Bad breath? Gum. You get the picture.

A lot of the time, however, a women will reject you for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you. Have you ever had to run to the toilet only to have someone try to stop you to talk? I’m sure that at least sometimes when I approach women they have full bladders and can’t afford to stop, without risking an embarrassing accident. Maybe she’s rushing off to meet her boss, or maybe she just got into a vicious fight with her ex-boyfriend and just doesn’t want to deal with guys right now. It happens. Sometimes, though, her boyfriend is only minutes away, and she doesn’t want to be seen flirting it up with another guy. She could even be a lesbian.

One Major Factor in Your Ultimate Success

The reasons a woman may reject you are as numerous as gains of sand on the seashore. Still, for women who are open to being approached, there are some key reasons why she might reject you but not another guy. Chief among those is the amount of confidence you exude  Women love confident guys. Being nervous when going up to talk to a woman might be endearing in the movies, but it doesn’t work well in real life. Reality is a little different from Hollywood’s projection of it. If your voice cracks, or have nervous body language, when you start talking to a woman, she’ll assume you’re one of many losers who approach her on a daily basis. A lack of confidence can kill your chances.

Showing balls-out confidence, however, communicates a lot about your character without having to utter a word. In a woman’s mind, guys who are confident talking to women are guys who are successful with women. If other women like them, then the guy must have something going on in his life that makes him such a catch. Maybe he is intelligent, with a resilient character, or has a number of other traits that she finds attractive. By acting confident, you are able to break through a lot of the defenses she puts up when guys come to talk to her. She’ll probably even look over a few of your more prominent superficial flaws.

It All Boils Down to This

Next time you see a woman you like, don’t bother thinking of possible reasons she could reject you. That’s a waste of time. Instead, put on your most confident swagger, and just go talk to her. If she rejects you, remember that she just might be having a bad day, or disqualifying you due to your most superficial qualities. After you begin approaching women more frequently, start looking for patterns. Switching up your clothes or how you go up and say hi will allow you to test to see what works for you and what doesn’t. That knowledge will go a long way to developing the type of relationships you want.


  • RedpoleQ

    Also, if you are nervous when you interact with her, she’ll mirror that and also become uncomfortable leading to her wanting to leave the situation and thus she’ll reject “you”.

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