by RedpoleQ

The true art of seduction is to pursue without chasing.

Chase /v/ 1a: to follow rapidly
Pursue /v/ 1: to follow in order to overtake, capture, kill, or

These two words are very similar, however, the first, chase, is what will get you in trouble when it comes to girls. Pursuing, on the other hand, is what will get you into trouble with their fathers, husbands, and boyfriends.

Damn Disney

Most guys get this wrong because of the concept of the whirlwind romance and, even more possibly, because of the way that movies compress everything into 90 min.  Movies leave out a lot of the key logistical, mundane elements which are essential to moving things forward – they also skip through to the juicy bits.

Movies never show how many times the guy had to call or text message to finally get a date.  There are no bathroom breaks, nor sudden calls from mom or friends to ruin the mood at the wrong time.  There’s no negotiation about the time of the date due to her being tired and just not feeling like meeting after work.  From the outside looking in, movies make everything seem so smooth.

Carving Out Reality From Fiction

In real seduction, with real women, in real life, there are all sorts of obstacles in the way of glory time with your woman of choice, or most any woman for that matter.  Your job is to pursue, and then to pounce when the right moment presents itself.

That means navigating all of the twists and turns skillfully while keeping your eye on the target but also being sure not to startle her so she slams the gas peddle right down to the floor.  This last part is important–everyone will run when they’re chased.

Don’t chase. You want to pursue at a measured, steady pace, waiting for the right moment to overtake her.  There is a right moment for the bold move, and you need to be ready to take it when it appears.  If you’re worn out from chasing, you’ll miss the moment.

The Moment

A few weeks back, a good friend of mine had totally fallen for this smokin’ 22yo Russian bird.  Things were running very hot. They spent afternoons together, gazing into each others eyes, finally adjourning for some sweet sheet time. That was all before he took a short 2 week trip.

When he gets back, the hot times he once enjoyed had turned cold and she even ended up canceling on him twice.  I was with him the third time she called to say she might not make it.  She’d gotten into a tiff with her roommate (who was with us at the time) earlier that day and was still pissed, insisted that she was still also busy with work, and blah, blah, blah.  She reassured us that she’d call later, and come out if she felt like it then.

Typical girl stuff.  Now, some guys would then spend time on the phone begging and pleading for her to come out.  That would have been my move too, 7 years ago before I learned through numerous failures and experiments, how to handle chicks. But, now I know to strike at that moment of vacillation.

Use Her Confusion

Harry Truman once said:

If you can’t convince ’em, confuse ’em.

This is a powerful principle because in romance, people are often (usually?) confused.  They’re confused about what they want, what they feel, what the other person wants, what the other person feels, whether they can have what they want, and even whether they want the right things. This confusion goes on and on and on.

So, I advised my friend to go over to her place at that moment to see her and get her to come out in person!  He rode over on his rented scooter and sure enough she was in a sour mood over the fight with her room mate earlier.  He was able to get her laughing and back into a good mood, and rekindle the spark that died during his two weeks away.  Bold action at that moment of confusion and vacillation was the key.

Most guys take on the girl’s confusion and then become confused themselves.  But, as Harry Truman knew, confusion is when you can best lead people, because that’s the time they’re looking for an answer.  Be the answer when she’s confused, and romance ensues.

  • Vision

    Truman, killing it with the ladies!

    I really like the distinction between pursue and chase. Very useful way to think about those ideas.

    • RedpoleQ

      Hahahahahahaha. Thanks for dropping by Asian Dating Monthly and making your presence known, Vision.