by Martin

multiple levels of issolationIn the dating process there are 3 things that you must be escalating throughout if you want to move it towards a romantic, sexual relationship.

The first is escalating the emotional intimacy, “getting close”.  While this isn’t always necessary for sex to happen, it usually helps, especially if you plan on having an ongoing relationship.  In a very famous movie, 9 and a Half Weeks, it’s this missing element that ends the relationship.

The second is escalating the physical intimacy.  There are many levels of touching that you normally must move through before sex happens.  Usually it starts with basic things like hand shakes, arm taps and high fives and later moves on to make-outs and hands up (or down) her shirt.

The third, and often overlooked, is escalating isolation, a key aspect of dating that I’ll cover in this article.  Escalating isolation means that there are increasing levels of privacy, something that is a key pre-requisite for escalating the physical intimacy. This is especially true with Asian women, since public displays of affection are not accepted nearly to the same degree that they are in the West.

Silly Excuses

While it is a very common sight in the West to see a couple getting physical on the street of any city, after living in Asia for so long, I’m almost scandalized when I see a couple kissing each other on a train, or on a street corner.  In Japan and Korea, you will often run into objections to “skinship” because:

  • “this is Korea”
  • “this is Japan”
  • “Japanese are shy”
  • “Korean’s are shy”
  • etc.

This kind of thing simply isn’t done in Asia, even in those places known for loose women who party with foreigners, like Itaewon in Seoul, and Roppongi in Tokyo.  For all of these reasons, strategizing then escalating isolation is a key component of doing well with Asian women.

The Isolation Ladder she Hopes You Understand

There are 5 basic levels of isolation that you’ll usually have to move through before sex can happen and the situation of the initial meet will determine how quickly you can move through them.

1. One-on-one conversation

In level 1 isolation, while other people are there, they aren’t involved in your conversation.

In the daytime this is often the starting point since you can approach women that are alone walking down the street, or sitting at a cafe texting away on their phones.  If you meet her through your social circle or at a bar or club, however, you will often find yourself interacting with a group of people.  If you have a friend with you then it can be easy to reach level 1 isolation by introducing him to the group.

Some group sizes and environments are more conducive to level 1 isolation than others.  A dinner party, for example, is a very tough situation for finding alone time, even if the woman you’re interested in is sitting right next to you, while a place with loud music can be much easier venue since it’s a struggle to hear over the noise.

2. One-on-one conversation separated from the group

In level 2 isolation, there is an added degree of distance separating you from her friends, your friends, or anyone else who might join in the conversation.  It might be only a few meters, but anyone who wished to engage you would have to do it purposefully rather with just a small shift in attention.

The key benefits to level 2, are that the distance creates an added barrier to people disrupting your one-on-one conversation and being out of earshot of anyone, you can move away from typical “safe” conversation topics.

3. the Move

This is when you take her to another part of wherever you are, but still in a public place.  In a club setting, this would mean taking her to a different floor, room, or over to the bar to get a drink.  In a day time setting, if you meet her at a mall, it would mean taking her to a different store, or to the food court or  cafe, etc.

The key thing here is that in the new environment anyone already there will assume that you are together.  Any people that you already know would have to “find” you.  This is a key isolation level, because this is a good early indicator of how comfortable she is with you, and especially how comfortable she is leaving her friends.

The reaction of her friends to level 3 isolation is also very important in determining your best strategy for progressing things as well.

4. Venue Change

This means bringing her to an entirely different place where she doesn’t know anyone—from the cafe to a restaurant for dinner, for example, or from one bar to another.

This is a pretty big step, especially if she has to ditch her friends to go with you.  It’s an especially big step at night.  Level 4 isolation is especially powerful because you have a lot more control over the situation – outside forces will rarely interrupt you.

Dates typically begin in level 4 isolation, unless she brings a friend along, which is why it’s significantly easier to have sex with girls on a date than when you first meet them. They’re further up the isolation ladder.

5. Total Privacy

This is when you take her to a location where the two of you are separated from the prying eyes of other people.  This could be your house, her house, karaoke/ktv/norae bang, a hotel, or even a deserted stairwell.

Level 5 is the ultimate goal – it’s where you can escalate physical intimacy to sex.  As a result, level 5 usually requires strong leadership on your part and a degree of plausible deniability so she doesn’t feel like a slut.

So… Really…. Why Does It Matter?

While level 1 and level 5 isolation are the only levels required to progress to sex, most of the time you’ll need to move through some or all of the other levels along the way.  Since each level builds on the previous one, you’re less likely to get objections than you would be if you just tried to pull her into your apartment right after meeting her.

From now on, when you meet a girl, you should consider how you’re going to increase the isolation level of your interaction. Doing so will make it much more likely you will actually get somewhere with her, since there will be less guys (and girls) trying to mess up your chances and you’ll be building an increased conspiracy with her.