by Kane Vast

Hey Hey,

This week, as promised, I’ll talk about patterns. We’re going to split this into two parts, because there’s a lot of info to take in. Let’s get down to it.

 Patterns Of Behavior

People love patterns, routines, and continuity. We are comfortable if things stay the same. The way you go to work every day is probably the same, you most likely buy a drink at the same store every day, and you and your girlfriend most likely kiss a very similar way each time too.

Patterns develop as you spend time with someone and are quite useful as a signpost indicating if someone has had a change of heart or not. Women are typically much better at seeing changes in patterns as they are typically paying more attention to the little things you do and they are definitely talking to their friends about them. In fact, you’d be surprised how much your girlfriend thinks and talks about you compared to how much you think and talk about her. Anyone ever seen Sex and the City? It’s has some pretty decent examples of this so take a look if you haven’t.

Text Message Pattern

A common pattern is the regular phone call/Messaging pattern. This pattern is the same no matter how quickly she replies to messages or answers the phone.

If you are not living with your girlfriend, and are a loving boyfriend, then you most likely talk to her every day. In Asia it’s quite normal for girls to talk to their boyfriend every day, especially around bedtime to say good night or something similar.

The deal here is that she or you will generally call the other around bed time to say good night.  If you’ve been with a girl for 3 months or more you should be able to identify this quite easily and also be able to predict when she goes to sleep, ect, ect.

If she has one night when she is going out with her friends to KTV (aka Karaoke, or Norae-Bang), she may miss calling you or answering your call, it’s entirely possible that this is truthful, yet at the same time it’s also possible that she is with another guy and used KTV as an excuse.

Don’t freak out yet. Don’t start getting paranoid, just be aware when she breaks this pattern. Be especially aware if she says she felt sick, which is a very common excuse all across Asia. Most of the time it’s cover for something else.

Other common elements of this pattern are her only answering her phone at particular hours or not answering during a time when she is ‘out with friends’, this all sounds quite realistic… but there are really only three options here:

  1.  Her phone is in her bag and she genuinely didn’t see/hear your call – possible yet unlikely if she’s in a club or singing at KTV
  2. She is bullshitting, Asian girls, as a general rule, check their phones like they have OCD.
  3. She forgot to charge her phone and that’s why it doesn’t ring, which is entirely possible.

Friends Pattern

Girls maintain a regular group of friends, with the usual infighting, and everyone secretly claiming that x girl is such a bitch, ect, ect, ect. Within this group your girl will have one or two girls who are her real friends, and the rest of the girls are tolerated because of various social connections. So long as they maintain the same group of friends then their social experiences are usually pretty similar and repetitive. Ultimately, with the regular group of friends you can expect your girlfriend to be doing essentially the same thing again and again.

The thing you have to watch out for is when she makes a new friend who is different from all her other friends and starts influencing her to try or do new things that typically involve night time, alcohol and men. Girl’s are never really satisfied or happy regardless of how well or poorly you treat them.  Their emotions are in constant fluctuation and the worst combination is her being at a low point (i.e sad, angry at you, feeling like you don’t care) and meeting a new guy. This is why it’s valuable to know who her friends are, what type of people they are, and how you expect them to influence her.

When a girl breaks this pattern you will usually be able to see it because her behavior and schedule will change quite a bit. Also, she will start criticizing you or making new and slightly weird demands on the relationship, as her new friend is influencing her to do what ‘she thinks is right’ with her relationship. This pattern isn’t a definite sign of cheating but it definitely something to watch out for as it can easily lead to that.

This is Just the Start

Today I’ve thrown you guys an intro to patterns, like the Text Message Pattern and the Friends Pattern. This is powerful stuff and you can only learn it here.

It’s really important to be aware of patterns and how their change can effect relationships. Make sure to come back next week to hear about two absolutely critical patterns, the Sex Pattern and the Regular Meeting Pattern.