I Am Not Who I Sleep With

by RedpoleQ

Hopeless Romantic, or Just Hopeless?

Like a lot of guys, I also grew up with a romanticized idea of relationships and sex.  I remember when I was sitting around with a friend in Jr. High School talking about how I couldn’t wait to get married and how it was going to be an ultra express wedding as I raced my bride to the nearest bedroom so I could finally get some action.

Later in High School, after some poetry classes with the rather passionate (for a monk) Brother Gabriel, I started to think of sex purely as a way to share and express caring for another person.  I’m not really sure how that didn’t clash with my long retreats to the bathroom with playboy, penthouse or whatever other pornographic material I could get my hands on in the pre-internet-porn-starved-days of the mid-’90s.

After the first time I had sex, there was no doubt in my mind that real sex with a real woman was galaxies better than masturbation and when I finally did have sex again 4 years later, I was not disappointed. What did disappoint me, though, was the circumstances in which I was enjoying these immense amounts of pleasure.

A Guy’s Gotta Do What a Guy’s Gotta Do

For one, this was a good friend’s ex girlfriend.  And while they’d never had sex (since he was against sex before marriage), I still felt compelled to keep it a secret.  Secondly, and quite embarrassingly, while she was a very nice girl, there were definitely some aspects of her that disgusted me.

But what really disgusted me, as I walked back from another late night booty call, was not having any other options and feeling driven by my biological urges to screw “the beast with two backs,” as Shakespeare once so eloquently put it. My thoughts were consumed with how awesome it would be to have sex with a girl I actually liked.

Years later, I found myself in Japan with a few natural friends. Naturals are guys who – for some reason – just know how to talk to women. I always thought these kind of guys were able to use their prowess to sleep with the hottest women. One thing I noticed after spending some time with them, however, was the rather (to put it nicely) variable quality of the women they bedded.  Contrary to popular belief, most naturals don’t sleep with a bevy of beauties.  Most naturals sleep with a bevy of women, but only a few of those will be beauties.

Naturals Don’t Define Themselves by Who They Sleep With

It makes a lot o f sense that when you’ve slept with 50+ women, even if 10 of them are fat, ugly or both, you probably wouldn’t think of yourself as a chubby chaser with terrible taste in women, but that was the mistake I was making with my first regular.  Like many of my clients, when they first start working with me, I used to define myself by my evaluation of a particular woman rather than seeing my sexual experience with her as a stepping stone towards the kind of sex life that I really wanted.

Hone Your Skills

By all means, go for the super smokin’ hot Asian women that make your knees shake, but take the easy shots that present themselves too.  Don’t neglect working your magic to seduce a girl you’re not totally into. You’ll improve all those skills you’ll need when looking across the table at a woman who makes it hard to talk without stuttering. By dating less attractive women, you can tighten your date so you KNOW it’s a good one.  You can develop your conversation skills, so you always have something to say and come across as fun and witty; and, while you’re practicing, you can have a bit of fun and maybe even get some sex.  Seems like a pretty good deal to me.

It doesn’t really matter who you date – that doesn’t define who you are. Dating less attractive girls will allow you to shape your social skills in a way that dating… well, nobody… never could. Getting these skills down will mean that you’ll be more competent, more confident, and ultimately that much more prepared for the woman of your dreams.  …it’s only a matter of time.