Punch Holes in Your World View

by Socrates

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I used to be afraid of cheesecake.

Cheesecake is probably the silliest… or strangest… thing a person could possibly be afraid of. A man should never fear a dessert. Don’t get me wrong — it’s not like I thought the cake would attack me or anything — I just had a major limiting belief that cake should never be made of cheese since the combination of cake and cheese would make for a very disgusting food.

The Consequences of Cheesecake

I remember standing at the dessert table at my cousin’s wedding nearly 10 years ago. My extended family was around me talking to each other when my aunt heard me mutter something to my sister about how gross cheesecake was.

The next thing I knew my aunt was beside me with a fork full of chocolate strawberry cheese cake trying to ram it into my mouth. Nearly my entire extended family looked on as I twisted my body back and forth trying to avoid my aunt’s fork.

It wasn’t until a year later that I finally built up the courage to try a bite only to discover just how wrong I had been.

You’re Limiting Your Own Potential

A limiting belief is any false belief that you have which holds you back from achieving your potential. It doesn’t matter whether you’re learning to interact with women or are an Olympic skier trying to perfect your run. We all have limiting beliefs and they’re often tied to a fundamental perception we have about ourselves.

The limiting beliefs that are not directly tied to our sense of self are the easiest to bust through. Tearing down these limiting beliefs, such as the idea that cake made of cheese is disgusting, requires forming a specific hypothesis and then going out to test that hypothesis. If I had of bit into the cake my aunt was trying to shove down my throat I would have been a far happier and far fatter man today.

Cheese cake wasn’t my only limiting belief. I used to take it for granted that women hate being talked to by random strangers. I just assumed that women are annoyed and creeped out when a guy approaches them. This kept me from approaching women for years.

Eventually I identified this limiting belief and set out to test it. I approached 30 to 40 women, asking them for the time, and carefully observed how they reacted to the situation. None of them had a problem with being approached by me. Next I set out to have a brief conversation with the same number of women, paying sharp attention to how they would respond. To my surprise, the majority of the women I approached were open to talking to me and none of them had a really bad reaction.

These days, in my experience, about 1 in 5 will give me a bad reaction when approached. Of course, I’m doing things a little bit differently now — I’m explicitly hitting on them. More encouragingly, 1 in 5 will be really happy that I came over to flirt with them and about 3 in 5 will have a reaction somewhere in between.

Deeply Held Limiting Beliefs

The limiting beliefs that are tied to your own sense of self are far more tricky to extinguish. They often run the gamut from how a guy thinks people should behave with women to whether a guy is deserving or not of success in life. As sick as it sounds, some people just assume that they’re a failure and will always fail in life. This limiting belief causes them to sabotage their own efforts, actually ensuring their own failure.

Expelling these limiting beliefs, understandably, is tricky and far past the scope of this article. A critical first step, though, is identifying your own limiting beliefs. Without first identifying your own limiting beliefs there’s no way that you could actually deal with them.

Often times these limiting beliefs will be taken as correct, right, or true. While it certainly may be the case that the beliefs you hold are true, no belief should be above being tested. Remember that limiting beliefs are just beliefs that hold you back from reaching your own potential. That means looking for any belief that, when specifically stated, contains words such as “should,” “must,” “out to,” “I’m the type of guy who,” “women don’t,” “women think,” “women feel,” “I am not,” “I can’t,” “people often,” “it is better to,” “I should stay away from,” “when I,” should be scrutinized.

4 Concrete Steps You Should Take to Purge Your Limiting Beliefs

By now it should be clear just how poisonous limiting beliefs are. Here are 4 steps you can take to start purging the limiting beliefs from your system:

1. Identify the goals you have within specific areas of your life.

For me, the area of my life that I wanted to improve was my skill with women. The goals I had were being able to attract random strangers, being able to have women fall for me, as well as being extremely competent in relationships and how I interacted with women.

2. Identify all the beliefs you have within a certain field or area in your life.

The beliefs I had were things like:

“Women don’t like being approached by random strangers.”

“I am not good at talking to women.”

“Women wouldn’t want to be with me because I’m fat.”

“Guys who talk to random women are creepy. I don’t want to be one of them.”

3. Set up what is entailed by your beliefs.

Taking a look at the above list, it should be easy to come up with facts that would logically follow if those statements were true. Statements that logically follow are statements that would have to be true if your beliefs were true — there would be no possible way for them to be false. For example, the belief that “Women wouldn’t want to be with me because I’m fat,” entails that a) I am fat, and b) no women would ever want to date a fat guy.

4. Set up a hypothesis and test by finding dis-confirming evidence.

You can think about your own beliefs logically (for example, by thinking back to cases in your life where your limiting belief was shown to be wrong), but all of your limiting beliefs should be thoroughly tested with experience — and repeatedly, if possible — to ensure that your purge the belief 100% from your psyche.

When I went out to crack my “I’m too fat” roadblock I looked through stacks of “odd couple” photos where hot girls were dating fat guys. Turns out there were a lot of girls who would date fat guys. Next I went out and talked to 30 strangers, asking the girls if they had ever dated a fat guy and why. About 1/3 of them had, and the reasons why varied.

Freedom From Constraint

It’s only when you free yourself from the ropes that have always tied you down that you can realize just how good freedom feels. Recognizing what’s holding you down is a critical first step, though. The above steps should go a long way to helping you push past your limits and reach higher levels of performance in your life, no matter what you choose to do.

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