Why Your Conversations Don’t Work

Dan Bloom (aka BlueMystery) has been helping guys meet and date high quality Asian girls since 2008. When we first had him guest post for us, he wrote a great article about what to expect in Thailand when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Well, Dan’s back and bring us more of the success he’s built up over the last 5 years coaching in Asia. In this article he covers advanced conversational techniques.

WARNING – This is Intermediate/Advanced Stuff.

Due to popular demand – I’m deciding to share how I have conversations that flow, hit switches that make the girl feel attracted, and make her want to sleep with me (yup – if done well – chances are you won’t have any resistance when it comes to bring her back home).

I’ve decided to get over my laziness and share what I know, and for this stuff to work you’ll have to get over yours too. It’s going to take practice, practice, and even more practice. In this first article, we’ll cover three key aspects of successful conversations with the opposite sex:

• female communication

• what trigger points to hit in conversation

• how to convey those trigger points through stories

Okay? Here we go!

What You Must Know About Female Communication

In my experience women respond really well to the themes and subcommunications of whatever it is you’re saying. Think of a common bedtime story, Snow White. I don’t know about you but, when I watched it as a kid, I just saw a woman who ran away because a queen wanted to kill her and was saved by dwarves (friends) and a prince. Women, on the other hand, also pick up the themes of the story.

Diving deeper into Snow White, this is a bit of what women see that guys generally miss:

• A brave prince will always rescue her when she’s in need

• There are evil, jealous women out there

• If you’re pretty you’ll get guys to help you

• In the end, you’ll get married and live happily ever after

For men we’re like “whatever” but for women the themes are very important. That’s why if you go up to a woman and say right off the bat, “Hey you’re pretty – can I get your phone number?” the woman will recognize the theme of a typical, desperate guy who is alone and maybe (understandably) doesn’t have friends.

If a guy says “Hey can you be my girlfriend?” right away, what does it say about him?

• Clueless

• Desperate

• Typical

So when you talk to women it’s vital to consider what the themes and sub-communications. Rest easy – we’re now going to look at the themes AND sub-communications that will get you laid like a rich whoremonger in Pattaya’s busiest gogo bar!

Haha… Now, what did me saying that “say” to you? What did I just indirectly say? What if, instead, I had said “…will get you laid as much as me!” What am I indirectly saying there? 😉 So themes…

Themes That Will Make Women Want You

The good people over at PickupAsia talk about three key ‘attraction’ switches, or “themes”. Without reading further, take a guess what those are.

Finished? Good, take a look:

• Leader of men

• Protector of loved ones

• Preselected by women

Now, why can’t you just go up to a woman and say, “Hey Baby! I’m a leader of men and I protect my loved ones. Heck, I’m even preselected by women!” The reason is because, remember, women indirectly register what you’re saying. If you said that she would think:

• He’s clueless about how women communicate and how to turn them on

• He’s… weird! Seriously, who says that?

• He’s boring.

You can’t just walk up to women and list off your biggest selling features. You’ve got to convey these things indirectly with stories, body language, and great sub-communication. For now, let’s look at the themes you’ll have to convey in addition to these key three.

WOMEN SWITCHES 202

So if you hit those switches she’ll be attracted – but that doesn’t mean she’ll sleep with you. There are other very important themes that come from Frank Kermit’s Book “Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test,” a book that’s highly recommended. In essence there are 10 ‘switches’ but I’ve added a few of my own, too. They are:

• Sex is 100% your responsibility

• You’re a keeper of secrets and protect her #1 asset (her reputation)

• You don’t judge

• You’re emotionally ‘normal’ (i.e. you’re not a wacko or psycho)

• You give women emotional rollercoasters (feeel a range of emotions)

• You don’t abandon the ones you love

• You cater to the little girl in her (not ‘in’ her like shes pregnant – the little girl that she is)

• You’re not gay

• You have good sperm (i.e. you’re good “stock” and if you have kids they’ll have good genes and will grow up with opportunities)

• You can handle her TRUE sexuality

• You’re congruent (you do what you say and you say what you do)

Got it? Great! I honestly recommend reading Frank Kermit’s “Everything out of Her Mouth is a Test,” it’s incredibly valuable. You’ll have to order it as it’s only in book format. Click the link I just posted.

Now, admittedly, this is a lot to take in all at once. In fact, I’ll stop this here and write the second part soon. Until then, it’s time to do some homework. There’s no better way to get the most out of what you’ve read than to actually put it into practice as soon as you can. Write down at least 1 short story that you can use in your life that has one of the above as a theme. Make sure your story is not overly long – 8 typed pages is a little much. Generally, have them only a few sentences in length, but not much more. When you have questions, make sure to post a comment below so I can help you as much as I possibly can.

Make sure you have:

1. a lead in question,
2. the story itself, and
3. a good conclusion to your story.

Want Some Help? Take a Look…

Here are some personal examples based on my life. Notice the stories, the themes and how they make you feel about me afterwards.

Theme: Don’t abandon

“Do you have a brother or sister? I have a sister. When my little sister was 16 actually she was pregnant. We were in her room and she started crying. I asked her what was wrong. She told me she was pregnant. I was shocked but she’s my little sister so I told her that everything will be alright and that I would help her. The baby was beautiful and now I’m an uncle! 🙂 But that’s why I think it’s good for family to be tight because unexpected things can happen in life.

Theme: You have good sperm

“What’s the most amazing thing you’ve ever done?” For me it was when I decided to start my own business. When I turned 25 I decided to take my life in my own hands and to make sure that whatever happens I’ll have choice in my life. That’s why I think it’s important to do amazing things. (being an entrepreneur and having your own business shows brass balls and chances are you’ll make a lot of money. this conveys ‘good sperm’)

Theme: You cater to the little girl in her

“Do you have a little sister?” I have one. When I was a kid I loved teasing her sometimes by poking her cheeks. When she was annoyed I thought it was so cute! Even today sometimes I tease her. That’s why I love having a little sister. ” (You’re indirectly showing how you sometimes like to tease girls you care about.)

Ready to get your conversations with women flowing smoothly and painlessly, leading to easily slipping her into bed? Good. Then here we go.

First – I recommend taking a few minutes a day to write a story about your life. As you do it you’ll begin internalizing the themes and your stories will come out more smoothly. Themes, remember, are a key part of meeting women.

Say it All Without Words

We talked a lot about stories in the last write-up. Now let’s look at ways you can communicate these themes with body language or brief blips about your life. I’ll give examples of each that you’re free to use for yourself.

• Sex is 100% your responsibility. Give her a look that shows how sexy you find her. When she catches you just hunch your shoulders as if saying, “ah well, I’m a man and this is how I genuinely feel.” Another way is to just plow forward and take the responsibility of pushing for sex (initially).

• You’re a keeper of secrets and protect her reputation. Tell her something and then put your finger on your mouth and say, “shhh”. It’s more powerful if she says something and you do this suggesting that its your and her secret.

• You don’t judge. Find something quirky about her and comment about it. Then again hunch your shoulders as if saying, “It’s okay… we’re all human.” You can even say this in conversation with her.

• You’re emotionally normal. Smile when you’re supposed to smile. Act surprised when you’re supposed to act surprised. When you tell her stories put in various emotions that you’ve felt (and that most people would expect you to feel.) For example, if she turns away from you or doesn’t show compliance, pretend that you’re crying a little bit. This is both charming and shows that you’re ‘normal’.

• You give women emotional roller-coasters. During your conversations, tease her to laugh. Look angry when she does something you don’t like (playfully). Act sad when she doesn’t comply. Look at her sexily when she complies or qualifies herself. These kinds of interactions ooze emotions!

• You don’t abandon loved ones. Did she go to the bathroom? Tell her you’ll wait for her and then do it. Set up day 2s, 3s, 4s. Send her a text from time to time (if not daily).

• You cater to the little girl inside her. Tease her. Pat her on the head (not in Thailand.) Poke her. Pretend she’s your little sister. Is she acting naughty? Was she late? Tell her or look annoyed. Is she going through a bad day? Comfort her and just listen to her. Make her feel like she can be a little girl again.

• You’re not gay. Ask her if she likes girls. If she replies that she doesn’t, that she likes guys – tell her that you’re not gay (Non-judgmentally as we don’t judge anymore, right?) and tell her that you like girls instead. She can like you and if she’s a good girl (catering to the little girl in her) you’ll like her too.

• You have good sperm. Demonstrate enough dominance and alpha behavior. Don’t be a dick but show that you can hold yourself. Have a life going for you. Show her pictures of cool things you did.

• You can handle her true sexuality. Did she do something that can be taken as sexual? Tell her that you like that, give her a sexual look. She’ll say, “no!no! it’s nothing sexual” you just shrug your shoulders and tell her that you’re okay with that. For example if she says she feels ‘hot’ you can take that into a sexual context. “Oh? You feel hot for me? I like that…you have good taste.” She’ll laugh and say “no no no!” You shrug your shoulders and say, “that’s okay. we’re all human.” 😉 You can do the same thing if it’s raining and she says, “I’m wet!”

• You’re congruent. Tell her you’ll do something and then do it. For example you schedule the date for 16:00. Show up at 16:00. Don’t be late. If you tell her you’ll text her later, then do it. Keep it consistent – do it for small things, too. If you say you’re favorite coffee is Latte then, when you go to a coffee shop, order it.

These things add up and make her feel more and more safe and comfortable. She’ll also feel that sleeping with you is the right choice.

Now we’re ready for the 3 key elements of conversation that, alone, will elicit so much attraction she won’t be able to wait for your next date!

This is the final part of my dating conversation tips. If you haven’t read them I recommend that you do. This next bit is a powerful tool that will get you a pretty amazing girl. Why? Because you are ticking your target’s check-boxes by being a confident, sexual, but ‘normal’ guy.

The Three Kings

When you’re interacting with a woman that you want to date, you should be doing certain things. Three things stick out more than anything else and you’ll want to make sure you’re showing them at all times. These key three are showing her your…

• identity
• sexuality
• vulnerability

In my 10+ years experience charming women, I’ve noticed that all advice on how to interact with women have these 3 elements at their core. In fact – if you remember anything at all from any dating source then remember and apply these three here. Let’s go into a bit of detail…

Identity

This is everything that involves who you are and what you’re doing with your life. Better put – it’s your purposeful side. Some of these include your job, how you normally express yourself (eg. your voice, body language, eye contact, etc.), and what you’re doing with your life such as just traveling, volunteering, or studying.

We express this side of us all the time. In fact right now as you read this you imagine my voice reading it. This voice is my identity voice.

But how do we express our ‘identity’ with women we’re interested in? I can think of three just off the top of my head:

• the clothes we wear (are you wearing a uniform? Or casual clothes? This is your perceived identity)
• your voice and how you do things (how you normally are in conversation is your identity)
• your life stories and experiences (all this brings about your identity)

Let’s take a look at some popular figures to see how these three communicate in actual situations. First up, Han Solo.

Han Solo’s identity is that of a cocky intergalactic smuggler and traveler. Just take a look at this brief low quality YouTube clip:

Can you see how his personality is communicated through body language and voice tonality?

What about another famous figure, James Bond? James Bond’s identity is that of a suave secret agent. His suits, perfect hair, and the risks he takes all communicate his identity.

Most of us present our identity naturally – it’s the other two elements that men tend to lack. Let’s take a look at them now.

Sexuality

This is the side of us that wants to fuck. This is our sexual nature, a key part of who we are. ‘Nice’ guys make sure to show little of it. Sexual weirdos show too much of it. Your job is to to find the perfect balance that shows it while blending it with your identity.

First, can you bring out a ‘sexual’ vibe and look on the spot? Try it…

Stop. Right now. Think of your last sexual encounter… and how good it was… how does it make you feel… now?

It’s funny how you begin to feel slightly horny, right? Notice how you feel and what you’re thinking. Notice what images come to mind and how wet she was when you put it inside her…and how much she enjoyed it too. Do you feel it now? Good!

The next time you qualify your date – remember those feelings above and thing of how good it would be share them with her. Look at her and focus on how much she’ll enjoy having you inside her, while appreciating something she said about her self. I also like to give a sly smile. Let’s take a look at how other guys do it.

Han Solo – in the scene in Empire Strikes Back where she’s fixing the Falcon. He tells her that he likes the sound of “scoundrel” and goes in for the kiss. Notice how his vibe shifted from identity to sexuality and how he’s looking at her.

James Bond – Every time our favorite secret agent man interacts with a woman he pulls out his sexual gaze.

Even if you show a strong identity and sexuality, women still might not want to slip into your bed. If that’s you, you’re probably missing this last element.

Vulnerability

This is the ultimate item to remember when with women. You already have a cool identity and she has registered your sexual side. When a guy gets labeled a playboy it’s usually because they don’t show vulnerability.

Think about it – we relate and feel more for people who show their vulnerable side. In the 2000 elections, during the Al Gore vs George Bush speeches, most Americans leaned towards Bush. Why? Because Gore was showing too much ‘identity’ and not enough vulnerability. It looked like he was intimidating Bush. Bush, on the other hand, showed a lot of vulnerability in a way that made us connect with him.

I’m not doing this for political reasons – I just want to show you how powerful vulnerability can be. And, I think that most Americans re-elected Bush because he played the vulnerability card well. We could all relate to the guy, and this is something a lot of men forget to do when they talk to women.

You can display vulnerability by sharing personal stories about yourself and about how things haven’t worked out for you. You can show hints of sadness or jealousy… emotions that show your ‘weak’ side. Just be careful not to show anger. Anger displays a lack of self-control in a dangerous way.

I like to show vulnerability right after showing a sexual look. It’s a powerful combination. When my target catches me looking at her sexually, I hunch my shoulders and say “what can I say? I’m a guy and I like looking at you.” This shows a “weakness” (couldn’t stop looking at her) but it also complements her.

Only Combined Will They Work…

Women love Han Solo’s character because he combines the elements well, more so than Luke Skywalker or, heaven forbid, Anakin Skywalker. If you show just one of these elements too much, your interaction with her will flop. You automatically show your identity, so focus on the other two. It’s showing the other 2 elements that matter. Take a look at what happens if you miss one of the three.

If you only hit the identity button … you’ll be the nice boring guy.

If you show a strong identity and sexuality …you’ll come across as the sexually desperate weirdo.

If you miss sexuality, if you only hit identity and vulnerability …you’ll just look like a cry baby – not a real man.

A final Example

The next time your talking to a young lady and hear something you like, you might want to give this a try:

HER: I’ve travelled to Phuket alone.
You (identity): “I like that about you. You’re brave enough to travel by yourself.”

You (sexuality): *Shift into sexual look* Yeah…I really like that…..

You (vulnerability): *shift into hunching your shoulders and looking away* “…but that’s just my opinion. You might feel differently about it.”

The next time your set isn’t going well, think back to what we covered here and make sure you’re incorporating all of these elements.

Dan Bloom is a champion when it comes to dating. He’s been learning the fine details of how to meet and date Asian women, and now he’s sharing that knowledge with the world. Make sure to check out his Asia Dating Tips website, and take a look at his book – all of which will help you have much better success with women.