Is My Girlfriend Cheating on Me?

by Kane Vast

What you can do if your girlfriend is cheating?

You’ve just tried to call her for the 12th time. You check your clock again, it’s 2:23am and she is out with her friends at the club. She said she’d be home by 2am and now your heart is starting to beat faster. You are getting hot flushes and you’re beginning to wonder… what if she is with another guy…….

The last article I wrote was about social circles and what to do if your girl is seeing other guys (usually within the social circle), this time I will be addressing the subject of cheating and sharing my knowledge/experiences on how to identify it, deal with it and survive it.

Signs of Cheating

There are a bunch of things I look for when I want to see if the girl I’m dating is also mixing it up with other guys, here they are:

• Evasive Behavior. This means girls who avoid telling you where they went or who they were with. They are usually doing so because they know you may be angry with them or think badly of them – it can pose a risk to the relationship.

• Making up white lies to avoid telling the real truth. The truth is not an important thing socially in Asia.

• Limiting information they give you about their life. Here’s an example: One night at about 11:30pm I was at home trying to sleep. I felt uncomfortable about sleeping alone and really wanted to see my then girlfriend, a sweet and happy girl named Beaker. I called her but got no answer …so I messaged her asking her what she was doing and told her that I want her to come over. A few minutes later, she replied to my message saying she was coming. Twenty minutes later she showed up at my apartment, which I found a little confusing as she usually took at least 30 minutes to travel from her place to mine, so I asked her where she had been. Her reply: at home, sleeping. I was doubtful. I asked her the question again and I got the same answer, I then pulled her towards me and smelt her hair – it smelt like smoke, which meant she probably had been clubbing. I casually told her that I knew she was lying to me and that she had been clubbing. I was not happy about this, since I felt I had been disrespected, yet at the same time I also had a strong desire to find out why she lied – it didn’t really match her overall behavior towards me. She was usually so keen on me. It turns out that she went out dancing with her friend YY and was worried that if I knew she’d been at the club then I would have been angry with her. She thought I might not like girls who go to clubs regularly. So in this case it was simply that she lied because she didn’t want me to think badly of her as she was afraid it would affect our relationship negatively. This is a great example of saving face, and strong cultural differences between East and West, but of course there’s a lot more to it than can be written here.

• Funny Phone Behavior. Not using their phone in front of you or having a password on their phone that they purposefully don’t let you see (no brainer right??), some girls are smarter than this though and they will keep their communication with other guys strictly through messaging app’s which they can log out of while they are with you. It’s important to remember, though, that it is rare for Asian girls not to have other guys chasing them. I can’t think of any girl I’ve dated that wasn’t also getting messages from other guys trying to get her. The key point here is that if she is messaging them back and creating open lines of communication then she is setting herself up to cheat, regardless of what she says.If she lets you see every part of her phone and lets you tool the other guys via message then you’re pretty safe. I usually wouldn’t bother, though, because if you need to go through her phone and do all that sort of stuff then you’re ultimately…

1. making her feel that you are insecure and that she may cheat,
2. making her more likely to cheat as you’re planting the idea in her mind and suggesting that you think of her as the type of girl that would do that,
3. increasing your own paranoia about her cheating by taking action that commits you to that line of thinking.

Next Steps

This is just the beginning, today we’ve only scratched the surface of the whole cheating topic by covering evasiveness, funny phone behavior, and how it effects your mind. Next week we will get into some more juicy – almost spy style – stuff such as Pattern Analysis, which you can use to figure out what is really going on and if you need to be on 24 hour ninja alert or not.

Kane