Kane on Lies and Cheating

Hey again,

It can be super confusing to understand just why Asian girls cheat and lie… but there is one thing I wanted to make painfully clear: people lie to satisfy their own self interests, not because they hate you. Knowing this, you should keep in mind that you can’t satisfy someone in every single way. Also, their lying could have nothing to do with you, how much they love you or are attracted to you, but a lot of the time it’s about themselves and their own emotional imbalances. Whatever the case, she probably doesn’t see it as a big a deal as you do. Remember, lying is more morally acceptable in Asia than it is in the West. Onward!

Why Do Asian Girls Cheat?

Asian girls are quite loyal. If you are both committed to each other and not dating others then there is a reasonable chance it will stay that way.

When Asian girls do cheat, there are various reasons for it, and they are usually quite different from the reasons western girls give. Western girls usually cheat for revenge (because you cheated or went on a date with another girl or something similar) or because they don’t take the relationship seriously. By contrast, take a look at the reasons Asian women usually have: Asian girls usually cheat for the following reasons:

The potential to climb the status ladder…

This does vary a bit depending where you are in Asia, but girls in general are programmed to seek out the highest value guy. This means guys who have resources (i.e money, status, ability to provide for her future children), and can provide her with security (i.e ability to protect her, physical attributes attractiveness to other women – girls want a guy that other girls want too). So, if a rich guy is ‘wooing’ your girl and she thinks she could ‘upgrade’ to a better life by being with him then it’s possible she will make the move. This does depend very much on the girls personality and how well your relationship with her is going. The point is, though, that in Asia security (money, status) is much more important than love and many other things that ‘Westerners’ value when it comes to relationships.

Too much alcohol/the right situation.

Asian girls aren’t usually the greatest drinkers… so with a bit of alcohol in them and the right situation cheating is quite possible.

In regards to the previous section on ‘social ladder’ and rich guys ‘wooing’ your girl – if said rich guy invites her out to the club at a table and gets her to drink using the sneaky dice game to the point where she can barely walk, you can assume he will ‘have his way’ with her, this may not be her necessarily wanting to ‘upgrade’ but she is putting herself in the situation which in itself is basically a willingness to cheat.

Asian girls are susceptible to alcohol and getting a girl drunk is a common tactic all over the world to obtain sex. It’s especially common in countries such as China and Korea, with rich Asian guys relying on these tactics as a staple of their sex life. So, if your girlfriend is going out with her friends and you think that there may be guys in her social circle who are ‘into her’ but not yet ‘in to her’ then arrange to pick her up at the end of the night, thereby cockblocking any attempts to get in her pants.

Relationship Worries or Concerns

This one is a doozy, when you two fight or something happens that makes her feel like you don’t really care about her (let’s be honest, you not replying to her messages fast enough can mean this, for some girls, it can be a bit ridiculous at times) then her most likely reactions are to…

1. Complain to friends.
2. Accept an invitation from another guy who is being ‘nice’ to her and, as they are ‘just friends,’ she can meet him to feel like someone cares about her. (Girls everywhere get constant validation from multiple guys… and when you become her bf you become a major source of her validation. When this gets disrupted she will be like a junkie without her fix and seek it else where.)
3. Feel sad, go out with friends because they feel sad, drink and then sleep with a guy to validate herself on being liked.
4. If she is a more traditional girl (i.e less life experience, more close minded about stuff) she’s likely to go out dancing with her friends to make herself feel better.

Feeling like you don’t care is a real cause for cheating for Asian girls. Sometimes it’s going to be your fault other times it’s going to be some bizarre thing she imagined up by being hypersensitive. As a guy who had major relationship fuck ups for years I can tell you that it’s easy to make these mistakes and you’re lucky to be here reading this. My experience and knowledge in this area comes from a decade of relationship problems, and constant “learning experiences.”

I once had a girl (and this one is kinda my fault, I still think her reaction was a bit whacky though…) that I was with for about 3 months. I really liked her and she really liked me. I dunno if I’d use the word love… but we were in contact quite regularly, meeting about once or twice a week. Then I went on a trip to another country for about a week, forgetting to tell her

She went out drinking 4 days straight and ended up hooking up with some guy in the club on one of the days, later I found out that she’d done this because she was sad about the thought of losing me and that she hadn’t enjoyed the experience with the guy and hadn’t contacted him afterwards.

Now, in my experience most people (Western and Asian) have varying levels of success when it comes to controlling their emotions and actions. I have found that Asian girls in particular sometimes lean towards the more dramatic side, so keep this in mind if you have an argument or falling out with your girlfriend.

 What to Do About It

Any relationship I enter into with anybody I tend to expect that they will lie to me at some point about something, regardless of race or location.  Just remember…

The lies only matter if you know about them (if you don’t know then they don’t have any effect on anything).

If you know people are going to lie to you then you should be roughly figure out which lies you’re willing to let go of and which are unacceptable to you. A good way to do this is to look at things long term rather than short term. When I’ve had my girlfriend lie to me I’ve firstly been very upset then I give it a bit of time and, once i’m calm and logical, think about it. I try to figure out if it is something that damages the relationship in a way that is going to permanently change things or just temporarily upset me.

I usually ask myself whether I’m going to continue the relationship or not, and, if the answer is yes, then I know what I need to do. If the answer is no, I don’t really need to do anything other than finish the relationship.

This is pretty much the end of lies, for me. I suggest everyone go and read some books on lying, just to be more aware of what’s going on inside that tricky thing called communication, it will help you in your relationships, job and in finding out if your dad is really your dad.

Kane