Watch the below video. It’s about 6-min long and gives incredible insight into what Korean girls expect from a guy. In this video two girls give advice to non-Korean women on what to do and how to behave to get a Korean boyfriend. Which means that we can use this same information to figure out what we need to do as non-Korean men to get a Korean girlfriend!

After you watch the video, McConnell and I hack this knowledge to teach YOU how to get a Korean girlfriend!

https://youtu.be/jaCqYj-MdWU

What You Can Learn About Korean Girls From This Video

*NOTE: You can find a transcript of this audio discussion below

Resources Mentioned:

The 7 Levels of Aegyo - 90DayKorean.com

Thanks for listening. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to shoot me an e-mail: [email protected]

I'll have another interesting video and commentary for you soon so be on the lookout for that.

Talk soon,

Martin

Transcript

Martin: Hey guys this is Martin once again here with, as usual...

McConnell: McConnell

Martin: And you just watched a video called how to get a Korean boyfriend. Now, you may be wondering, “why did i send a bunch of mostly guys,” there's a few girls on this list but, mostly guys, “a video about how to get a Korean boyfriend.” Well, let me explain...

One of the key values of this video is that it tells you what Korean guys expect and how they expect girls to behave which means it also tells you how girls should behave to get Korean guys. That's really what the video is about—how girls should behave to get Korean guys—so that tells you what Korean girls are used to from guys and what kind of behavior you can expect from a Korean girl so you know some of the particularly key aspects.

The first one about learning Korean is really interesting because most foreigners, if they spend any time in Asia, don't find that the language barrier in Korea is a major problem. You would you agree?

McConnell: Yeah, I agree

Martin: However, they are advising that you learn Korean anyway and I think that is because of a few reasons but the most important one is that Koreans have this perception that foreigners are not interested in their country and that foreigners don't respect Koreans and that they look down on Koreans; and when you learn Korean you're signaling to them that you are very interested in Korea.

They have this stereotype, which I’m not really sure how true this stereotype really is, but they have this stereotype that foreigners go to Korea and they can live there for years and years and years and they never learn the language and they're just doing bad things. They're taking all their money and all their women—now this may largely be because for a long time a large part of the foreign presence was military guys who, not surprisingly, didn't go to Korea because they were interested in the culture because they were sent there.

And the other large demographic of foreigners is English teachers and for whatever reason, I mean when you compare Korea to Japan or China, I think we can pretty much agree that Korea has the worst marketing for their country

McConnell: I disagree. I think K-POP and K-DRAMA are pretty good marketing for Korea but I compared Japan that's true. Their cultural marketing is quite weak but I think Korea's gotten better at it—they've gotten a lot better at it in the last ten years

Martin: Definitely, yeah, in the last ten years they've gotten a lot better at it. That's definitely true, yes, I agree with you there

McConnell: In fashion too

Martin: One of the things about what you're bringing up though, is not really Korean culture

McConnell: That's true

Martin: Right so

McConnell: But it is an advertisement for the country

Martin: Yeah, that's right, it is an advertisement of the country and it's interesting because when you look at Korean artifacts like antiques or anything that's sort of old or historical in Korea—I know for me, anyway, and this is probably the case for a lot of westerners—you go, “Oh! They have that in China,” or, “Oh! they have that in Japan,” and because all three have a lot of overlapping cultural things, that most of those things, because China and Japan have done a better job in the long run about marketing themselves, they've already appropriated or staked their claim on most of the culture that exists in east Asia and there's not much left for Korea at this point.

So, yes, I think Koreans are very concerned with their standing in the world and that brings us to one of the other points they made which was the one about acknowledging that Korea is the best.

Have you ever had any experiences where you felt like that's what was really important for Korean girls to feel? That you really like Korea a lot thought Korea was really awesome?

McConnell: I don't I’m trying to think back...

Martin: I feel like you know they're often surprised that foreigners like Korean food

McConnell: Yeah, I've definitely had that happen and I think that's really strange

Martin: In fact just last weekend...

McConnell: Oh! That's right!

Martin: We met a pair of Korean girls in Taiwan and you know we started talking about...

McConnell: Naming, endlessly, all the delicious food in Korea

Martin: Yeah and they seemed, you know, well one seemed very happy we like their food and surprised that we knew so much

McConnell: They were surprised we were listing lots of Koreans things like clubs and you know KPOP. Lots of random stuff and they were like, “Wow!”

Martin: And it's actually interesting because if you're with Koreans, I think it's a little bit different then with Japanese and Chinese, where if you know some stuff about their country they're just happy and they're surprised but in Korea I think it has a much stronger impact.

With Koreans, I think they're much happier that you about it. I think Japanese have the sense more that—well China has the sense of, “Well, of course we're China, what else matters here in Asia?” and I think Japan has a sense of, “Well, we really like our stuff but we don't really expect other people to and if they do that's fine but we don't care one way or the other,” whereas Korea seems to really care.

They really want you to like their stuff. In fact one of our good friends—this is one of the things that he really hates about Korea—is that he feels like he has to seem like he likes Korean stuff even when he thinks Korean stuff is bad. So, being negative about Korea is a big no no.

Now that isn't to say—I mean obviously, Koreans can be sometimes negative on their own country—and, I think this is typical [that] if we make fun of ourselves we often feel OK about that but if somebody else makes fun of the exact same thing then we could be touchy about it.

And I think that's the case with Korea, so you should be very positive about Korea. Talk about how much you like it, how much you enjoy the people and the culture because they really feel that that they don't get much respect internationally

McConnell: And also I think underlying most Koreans—even if they do complain about their country ever—I think there's like a underlying sense of pride and respect for Korea because that's just the way Koreans are raised.

And a good story about this is: I was in Malaysia once and I met a Korean girl there and she and her friend were talking to me and they were like we really don't like Seoul and that's why we're, you know, doing these internships in Malaysia. Because we think it's really good we can practice our English and we don't really want to live and work in Korea because it's very stressful and I was like, “Oh, yeah. You know I can understand that. I've met a lot of Korean people and I've spent a lot of time there so I can understand.”

But then I didn't hear from this girl for a while and then I checked in on her and I messaged and I said, “Oh! How have you been? I haven't heard from you, is everything OK? Are you still in Malaysia?” and she was like, “Oh! I am back in Korea now. You know, everything was so horrible in Malaysia!”

Because they're weren't good, organized systems there like there are in Korea and they were like, “There were all these problems and everything was going wrong and I’m just so happy to be back home now am never going back.”

Martin: So, yes, that was I think the next one of the other really important points.

There is, in the previous videos we talked somewhat about Korean, or quite a lot about Korean perspectives on sex and sexuality and so when they talk about how to dress that's a very interesting point.

And, you know, they basically said that you can show your legs as much as you like but you've got to keep your top covered. And it's pretty...although I think it's more common now because Korea is definitely changing...but in general Koreans don't tend to have their shoulders out.

They don't wear tank tops. They don't show cleavage unless they're out at night at a night club and so, you know, those are some examples of [how] for them, having their legs out—wearing a super short skirt—for whatever reason, that's not perceived as being slutty but if you show cleavage that is and that's something to recognize.

And I remember there was a really funny comic strip of a western girl and a Korean girl walking by each other and the western girl had this really low cut top and this Korean girl, of course, had this really short skirt and they had mind bubbles over each of those girls looking at the other one and their mind bubbles said, “slut.”

So you know that's just a cultural aspect of what's considered sexual and what's not. Another aspect that I think is really, especially important—and the fact that it's the third thing that we're talking about does not highlight its importance—is when they talk about the milda.

They said describe the milda as being...or actually they didn't use an English term for it but normally in English its called...

McConnell: Playing hard to get.

Martin: Yeah! They call it playing hard to get. But you know we also like to call it push-pull. So push-pull means you're showing interest but then you're taking it away and you're giving sort of mixed signals and this is one of the things that makes Korea very challenging for western guys when they first get there.

Because as you saw in their example the guy calls her up and asks her out and she turns him down even though she really really wants to go out with him. And this has a lot of social repercussions that are not altogether positive. One of them is that guys are putting in lots of the effort for girls.

You know, in the west, it's typical that guys want to get signals from girls that indicate the girl is interested but in Korea girls will often seem to be not interested when they are and there's not really a great way for you as a guy to know the difference between being interested in them or not. Korean girls are looking for a guy who really, really, really, REALLY wants to be with them and so by using this push-pull—doing the milda—they can screen for those guys that are really going to be interested in them and are going to be faithful to them and who are more likely to marry them and all of these things.

And so, you should realize that just because a girl doesn't message you back, for example, for a few days or she doesn't even read your messages—it doesn't mean she's not interested. You should just, if you are interested, then you should just keep messaging her.

We, in fact, did sort of an informal street poll one day in Gangnam—and Gangnam is a downtown area in Seoul—and we asked girls, you know, how often they have messages back and forth with their boyfriend and they said forty to sixty times a day! A DAY!

That's inconceivable in the west that you would do this but this is a way of showing a lot of interest in the girl and which is something they really like. And I mean it shows a lot of interest in the fact that you're replying quickly and often and it shows a lot of interest that you're messaging her a lot, period.

Also it's really common for girls to flake on meet’s and it's not just—they don't only do it to guys who they're dating—they do it to their girlfriends too and it's very common for girls to flake.

So, you know, in the west, often times if a girl flakes you would just write her off and say, “OK, well she's not really interested,” or maybe, you know, you would sort of make her feel bad about it in a subtle way—a lot of guys would do this—and the girl then feels bad about it and she's kind of obliged to go out with you next time.

But in Korea, you know, this is really normal for girls to flake and I think pretty much every girl that I dated in Korea flaked on me at least once and that's just normal. So you have to understand that that's sort of part of the milda, where they flake.

I once had a girl who—we were planned to meet and then she no call no showed, right. She didn't show up. She didn't call me and tell me she was going to show up and then the next day, I think, I messaged her and she was like, “Oh yeah, let's meet. What time?” and i was like, “OK.” You know, I'm used to this because I've dated a good number of Korean girls so it didn't really bother me but this...it throws off a lot of guys.

So, you know, the thing that's also very interesting is that in the example, the girl is like, “Oh god! I really want to go with him; I really want to go out with him!” and I remember [when] we were with with Lua—Lua is a fashion consultant in Seoul. A quite attractive girl who's a fashion consultant there and we were talking about this new law that was implemented that said that you could—that guys—well it could be guys or girls—could be fined, I think it was fined, for stalking behavior if they asked a girl out more than three times without her agreeing.

And she thought this law was absolutely ridiculous because she's like, “You have to do that otherwise the guys are going to think you're slut,” so you know, obviously, this isn't always the case but it's something to be aware of. You know, if you're with more more westernized Korean girls then there'll be less of this but it's still very very common. So this is one of the reasons if you spend time in and you meet a lot of Korean girls, you'll hear a lot of, or you follow Korean media, there's a lot of stalking stories and it's largely because of the fact that girls feel the need to play hard hard to get to do the milda.

McConnell: No comments that’s a pretty good explanation

Martin: Let's see what else was there in this video learning Korean...oh aegyo! Do you like the aegyo?

McConnell: Of course! I think we all like the aegyo.

Martin: I would think that we would all like the aegyo but there are some, you know, western guys that don't like this kind of cutesy behavior and if you don't like this kind of cutesy behavior then you're going to have a hard...really hard time dating Korean girls. I personally love it. I think it's really cute!

So, you know, that's just something that is normal and if you don't like it you can’t expect girls not to do it because it's like an ingrained thing that's just feminine behavior and that's just how women are supposed to act at certain times. So clearly, if you don't like it then you know more westernized girls may not do this sort of thing, but for the most part it's pretty widespread behavior. Don't assume that this means that she's immature or something...

McConnell: Yeah, definitely. I think a lot of guys make this mistake when they look at Asian girls in general, but especially Koreans. They think that the girl is really immature when she’s acting cute all the time but I think that Koreans, especially, of Asian women, they're quite mature.

And I think that a lot of guys make this mistake of interpreting that as being immature or childish but it's really just a normal social behavior that all women are doing no matter what their lives are really like or what the age is.

Martin: Yeah, I really agree with that. I think that Koreans have know how to deal with life pretty well in terms of maturity level and are very capable people in general so do not—definitely do not mistake this for being immature or childish or something.

And was there anything else besides the last point that we haven't covered yet..? Ok, now the last point I find kind of interesting, and this is interesting more from the perspective of what women respond to or how women think than it is from a perspective of, you know, focusing on Korean girls in particular. But in the end, they said, “And the last thing is don't look for a Korean boyfriend. If it's going to happen for you then it'll just happen.”

And this is really so interesting that, as a guy, when you think about this, because as a guy you're probably used to the idea that you're supposed to be taking forward action in your life and if you want something to happen in your life, you have to go and do something to make it happen. You know, things don't magically drop into your lap. So this shows a very different perspective for girls where they're saying, “Oh! You know, it's going to happen. It's going to happen,” and I would often think that this is—while this is less the case in America now or in the west than it used to be—you know it's, if you look at women's magazines there's horoscopes in there.

If you look at men's magazines there generally aren't. Men are not interested in their fate. They're interested in going out and doing stuff so that they get what they want or they're interested in checking out of life and realizing that they're not going to get what they want.

And, you know, that's the first part. The second thing is they said, “Oh! You know, you have to know your worth. You have to know who you are,” and all of these things which I don't know...I mean how do you feel about that when you hear that? I don't imagine you spend a lot of time thinking about who you are...

McConnell: That’s true. That is true. Yeah, I think that “worth” and “value”... these are terms that don't really mean anything. You know, they're totally relative and it's kind of a waste of time for guys to think about this.

Martin: Why is it that—and you know this actually brings me to one of the ways that I like to look at value—so when I say value, that means whatever makes a person someone that you want to have in your life. And when I say, “in your life,” it could be your, you know, they are the best bartender and you love them as a bartender; it could be they're the best plumber or it could be that they'll make a great girlfriend or you know it could be that they make a great boss.

I mean, value is just the things about this other person that make it so that they add to your life and I often think that that one of the main differences between the way that men grow up and the way that women grow up is that men grow up with very little, what I call “passive value,” whereas women grow up with lots of passive value. And passive value essentially is things that you have that people like about you that you didn't work for.

So, you know, for example, especially among attractive women, being attractive is a major value and one of the things that is interesting is that it's not like there is some line where girls are below a certain level where they're no longer valued for being a woman and their looks. There's is basically, no matter how incredibly ugly a girl might be, there are some guys who are into it and they want some whereas for guys we have very little passive value.

Most of what people like about us are things that we developed over time and often times things that we had to work on and so I feel like this idea of sort of unconditional love, I guess you could say, is something that everybody wants but women experience some semblance of this. They go out to a bar and guys they don't even know are offering them drinks

McConnell: Yeah and to them it just seems like magic because it kind of is they don't have to do anything and good things will develop because the guys will be willing to work hard to bring them into their life and to take them on dates and to do all these nice things for them and that's really quite a magical experience for a lot of girls. And so, of course, it makes sense the girls would say things like this. Like, “Oh...just wait for it to happen,” but I think it's quite a mistake for guys to just like say, “Oh, I’ll find her eventually,” because that's not going to happen for most of us

Martin: Yeah absolutely so you should know your worth know your value but most importantly know how to hustle. That's what you really need to know. You need to know how to hustle. So, I don't have anything else. Do you have any closing remarks?

McConnell: Ah no

Martin: OK, well thanks for joining us. I highly recommend that you go back and re-watch this video keeping in mind the various things that we just discussed because you'll probably pick up on some things that you didn't the first time around. See ya!