“Don’t fucking touch me!”
There is a lot of contradictory and confusing advice about how to talk to women you’re interested in. It seems that absolutely everybody has an opinion. Unfortunately a lot of the advice given is junk or, at it’s worst, harmful.
One of the most misunderstood elements of meeting women is the role that touch plays in the interaction. Guys can be forgiven for just assuming that touch is a non-starter when it comes to meeting women – there are enough angry feminists and accusations of sexual misconduct out there to make a guy’s head spin… and to ensure he keeps his hands to himself.
Of course, there are different types of touch – how you touch your lover is not the same as how you touch your grandma, so let’s make that clear right away. One of those types of touch is naughty touch, the type of naughty touch that your girlfriend might crave from you. It’s the type of touch that can either have very good or very bad consequences, depending on the situation. The other type of touch is far more innocent… and far more common. It’s the type of touch that’s found between two friends. It’s the type of touch that’s common between grandparents and grandchildren.
Most guys think that touching women who you’re not dating is wrong, or at least disrespectful. The media has done a good job of beating this in to men’s heads, as well. If she’s not your girlfriend, if you’re not on a date, or – god forbid – if you just met her than you should keep your hands to yourself.
How to Bad Touch
Of course, advice like this is why so many guys do so badly with women, and why some guys always seem to get who they want.
Romantic/sexual relationships always follow a course from no-touch to sexual touching. Sexual touching is where you want to end up with your girl and, if she’s interested in you, she’ll be craving this touch from you, as well. The question really comes down to when a guy should start touching a girl, and how.
I used to be completely oblivious to the necessity of escalating touch, and a lot of guys who “respect” women are even vehemently against any guy touching a girl unless she’s his girlfriend. These guys think they’re respecting women by not getting anywhere near them physically but, in truth, they just come across as weak, cowardly, or asexual. Women want to be seen sexually, they crave it. A huge part of this means touching them the right way. If you fail to show sexual interest through touch then they will think there is something wrong with themselves…. or you.
As a strong confident leader – the type of guy she craves – one of your jobs is to move the physical contact along so that you two can end up in bed together without making any of the physical escalation too awkward. There has to be a smooth transition between no-touch and sticking your manhood in her, a progression without huge obvious jumps in the level of intimate touch. She’s trusting – hoping – that you will make this happen.
Don’t wait too long to touch a girl you like or the situation can get awkward. Whenever I meet a girl I’m interested in, I always start touching her within at least 2 minutes into the interaction. Martin would likely say that this is too long, that you should be touching girls sooner than that. Ideally, you touch them as you first start talking to them. When I first start, I touch the outside of her arm near her shoulder with my hand briefly then work my way lower down the arm as the conversation progresses. I want to end up with my arm around her waist as soon as I comfortably can. If we decide to go somewhere together at this point it’s easy and natural to take her by the hand and lead her.
Not only do women who are into you crave your physical touch, how and if you touch signal the type of guy you are and what your intentions are. Are you the smooth confident sexual guy she has been waiting for or just another boring guy who’s had the boys snipped off?
But Bad Reactions Do Happen
Things don’t always go perfectly smoothly. Often enough there’s a bit of a rough patch as she decides how much she likes you and whether she’s willing to show that to you. Sometimes situational limitations prevent her from being touched the way she wants to be touched. That’s fine. It’s important to be attuned to her level of interest and the environment so you can understand how to proceed if she gives resistance.
Of course, don’t wait for any sign from her that touch is okay – that’s contrary to how you need to act to be a strong confident leader. If she’s just not into the level of touch that you’re trying to reach, ease off by going back to the last point that was totally comfortable for her then try again a few moments later. By taking the touch down a notch when she’s uncomfortable you build trust, you signal that if she’s scared or uncomfortable you’re paying attention to her and respect her boundaries rather than just plowing ahead regardless of how she feels or reacting really negatively when you can’t get your way.
Touch is an essential element to getting to know women you just met. Not only does it communicate that you’re a strong confident guy – the type of guy she craves – but it also helps smooth the progression from meeting to sex and even creates a feeling of trust and comfort with you. These are just the absolute basics but we’ll have a lot more in the coming months so make sure you keep up to date with Asia Dating Experts.